FYI for anyone reading..This is another one of those posts where I’m venting to myself. LOL 🙂
I was reading my book ‘The Shack’ and I got to the part where the character Mack expressed his concern for feeling ‘LOST’ as he was talking to God. I couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed to the point of tearing up at the thought that everything that has been going on in my life over the past couple of months (and year for that matter) and that time is drawing nearer to this Thursday (the one year anniversary of my husband’s passing) that I feel ‘LOST’ as to why everything is happening.
I’ve had a rough and bumpy year and have recovered from it all, couple of things are still lingering, but I refuse to let it get the ‘Best of Me’. I still wonder at times, ‘Why did this have to happen to ME?!!’, but I believe that ‘Everything happens for a reason’.
So I developed a liking…I guess more of a fascination with running..to get myself healthy and have some kind of an outlet for the emotions pent up from ‘loss’ and ‘life’ . I get the addiction! I start by running a 5K and a 10K, with goals of a HALF and a MARATHON by the end of the year. Then I get a set back of 2 weeks so far. Now I’m being told another week. I still need that outlet for release of ‘life’, but I can’t. Now it’s the feeling of being ‘trapped’. Wanting to RUN, because I know I can put the pain behind me and that pain will replace the pain that I currently feel and that is building. BUUUTTT..if I do that then I risk the ‘loss’ of the future race goals. All of this going on in my head lead me to understand the feeling of ‘being LOST’ along with Mack. WOW! REALITY CHECK!
Now how to deal?! The same I have been..waking up every morning and reading my bible and praying for guidance and the same strength that I have been given to deal with everything that has happened over the past year. I still feel a sense of ‘being LOST and TRAPPED’, but that is because I am HUMAN. I’m not God. I’m IN this world, but I’m not OF this world! 😉